I was driving to an event recently. It was held in the middle of the afternoon at a location unfamiliar to me and according to Google Maps, it would take me somewhere between 45 minutes to an hour to get there. I’m used to driving in the city where traffic snarls at times of the day can suddenly develop and double the commute time. Not wanting to be late for my event (as I was there to make a presentation on mindfulness and serenity), I allowed for an extra 30 minutes for the journey.

As luck would have it, Google was right, and I got to the area of the venue with plenty of time to spare. I decided to drive around a bit more to get a flavor of the community. Knowing I was close to my destination, I toodled around, driving slowly (a few miles under the speed limit) with cars passing me in the adjacent lanes. I was pretty serene when suddenly, a car rapidly approached from behind, started honking at me and as he passed me, the driver flipped me the bird! What the heck? Why did he do that, I wondered, for I was just killing some time on a leisurely drive. What a jerk, I thought.

The presentation went well, and I drove home to have dinner with my wife at a restaurant near our house. Since I was now driving in city rush hour traffic, I became the irritated driver who was no longer the serene person of just a few hours ago. What was the difference?

Of course, I could rationalize that now the drivers around me were stopping me from my destination and causing me to be late for dinner with my wife (and I hate being late for anything). Then I realized what changed was my emotional response to the two similar, yet different, circumstances.

I remembered a principle I learned that, as humans, we all have the same human emotions, but we experience them at different times. Indeed, the anger I had on my way to dinner was similar to the anger of the driver who roared past me in the afternoon. Only now, instead of having time to waste in getting to my venue, I was anxious about being late to dinner.

Emotionally, the energy we send out invites a like response. On my drive home, I was anxious and angry because I expected to get to dinner at a certain time and snarled traffic jeopardized my timely arrival – and my serenity. Then I remembered the psychological theory of ‘reciprocal inhibitions’ which states that two competing emotions cannot be experienced simultaneously. To lessen the frustration of being stuck in traffic, I thought about a happy meal with my wife once I arrived at the restaurant.

Knowing that she would be patiently awaiting me lessened my anxiety and I was able to lessen my frustration. Sure enough, I arrived in a better frame of mind to see my wife smiling and glad to see me.